One of the most common questions survivors face—often from others, and sometimes from themselves—is:
Why didn’t you tell anyone sooner?
The truth is, there are countless reasons survivors of sexual abuse wait years, even decades, before speaking out. And none of them make the abuse any less real, or the survivor any less credible.
Below, our colleagues from Kellogg & Van Aken LLP discuss why many survivors wait to speak out about their abuse.
Trauma Affects Memory And Processing
Survivors may not fully understand what happened to them at the time, especially if they were young. Abuse is often wrapped in confusion, fear, or even misplaced feelings of guilt or loyalty. It can take years to untangle those emotions enough to speak the truth aloud.
In many cases, trauma disrupts how the brain stores and retrieves memories. Survivors might not remember details linearly or may only recall fragments of what happened. This isn’t dishonesty—it’s the mind’s way of coping with something overwhelming.
Fear Of Not Being Believed
Many survivors stay silent because they worry they’ll be judged, blamed, or dismissed. This fear is especially strong when the abuser is a trusted figure: a teacher, coach, priest, or family member. Victims often worry about the impact on their community, their family, or their own reputation.
This fear can be intensified when survivors witness others speak up and not be believed—or worse, be attacked or retraumatized in the process. It sends a chilling message that staying silent may feel safer than coming forward.
Shame And Self-Blame
Abuse is isolating. Perpetrators often manipulate victims into believing the abuse was their fault or that no one would care if they spoke up. Survivors may carry this shame for years, even though the fault lies solely with the abuser.
This misplaced guilt can become internalized, leading survivors to question their own worth or hesitate to come forward, especially in environments where victim-blaming is common.
Survival Mode
For many, speaking out simply doesn’t feel like an option until they’ve reached a place of safety or stability—emotionally, financially, or physically. Survivors may delay disclosure until they’ve left home, found a therapist, or seen their abuser resurface in the news.
In some cases, a survivor may speak out only after realizing someone else could be at risk, prompting them to break their silence not just for themselves, but to protect others.
Cultural And Systemic Barriers
Survivors from marginalized communities may face additional challenges: fear of law enforcement, immigration concerns, cultural stigma, or lack of access to trauma-informed support. These barriers can delay disclosure, but they do not erase the harm.
Language barriers, distrust in institutions, or religious expectations can further silence survivors who already feel powerless.
It’s Never Too Late To Speak Your Truth
Different states recognise the reality of delayed disclosure. That’s why in some cases there are extended statutes of limitation and legal protections in place for survivors who come forward years later.
Whether the abuse happened last year or decades ago, you deserve to be heard, supported, and believed. And if you choose to take legal action, a school sexual abuse lawyer can walk that path with you with compassion, strength, and zero judgment.